Tonight, was my first night in my home. Intead of enjoying my wide-cozy bed, I’m writting on my blog coz of jetlag and also because i’m worried for someone.
That person is leaving through something that could also happen to me. Hmm… maybe it already does…
Studying abroad, leaving family for a long time is hard because when you come back, you feel like you are not at home… neither in the country where you have been leaving for a little while. When you are back, everything changed during your absence. Your friends moved on, took the turn in their life like you did when you took the decision to leave… But then you realise that everything is different and so, despite the joy you get of being home, you feel like not belonging to that place anymore…Your mood goes from happiness to depression without any relevant reasons.
I arrived few hours ago in my place, land of refuge and neutrality, full of appeasement, full of excitment to see people that I ” left behind ” … However, when i put my key in the lock… I felt like I was not really at home. Having this little feeling of something you know that it is here in spite of trying to refute its commanding presence.
It’s a little destabilizing. When you leave, you are full of motivation and hopes toward your dream of studying abroad. You know where you are going and why you want to do that. The good that will come out. So this is what I want to remember when I will feel homesick and that I want you to remember too.
Go through the storm, never give up. Don’t loose your self-confidence nor the trust you got in your dream. I guess this is a logic ordeal we have to handle. This is part of our way down the stream of life. It challenges your ability to stay in a place that is not yours, it makes you stronger to face life…Yes, life is also a fight, not only an enchanted river I, personally, like to navigate on. This ordeal is not the only one you will get to know, I’m sure fate is already concocting a lot of other just for you ! But through years, you start being able to handle them. Sometimes, you cannot get rid off somes thus, you learn from them and how to cohabitate with.
In few years, when you will have a glance on that period of your life, the fact that you overcame those difficulties when you could have simply give up is what will give you the force to overcame the ones that are coming. You will think to yourself : “I can do it, I already did. I’m unstoppable! ” (Little wink ! I needed to borrow your word ! )
Moreover, you won’t have to leave with the regret that you could have done it. Don’t get fucked by life. Fuck the life, bite it with all your teeth, overcame ordeals it puts on your path and get stronger than ever.
Being what you are is your best asset but it’s is also your curse because challenges you will meet will be as high as your genius is. It’s mathematic ! You have weaknesses ? Great ! This is what keeps you human ! I know everything push you to not come back in NY but don’t use them as a reason to abandon. Nothing is unsolvable you told me once.
Here is your painting. I want you to remember who you are.