Citizen of the world…

May 30, 2009

Keeping On Learning

Filed under: Feelings — emimizolie @ 5:46 am

From my last article “The controversy of feelings or Uncommon ways to love people we care about”, I had a kind of feedback from my father who has seen a lot along is life and still does. From my point of view, he is an empathic person, who has that ability to perceive the human nature, to see into Men and their pain. As a matter of privacy, I won’t publish what he wrote me. Basically, he told me about the men, million miles away from their family, who live in more than terrible conditions in another country to be able to send a bit of money for them to survive. What would represent for us just enough for a day, is for them a fortune. Their conditions of living is simply not what any human being should ever go through. It makes me feel bad when I imagine them. We can’t even imagine in fact. Really, we can’t. The picture would be an euphemism compare to the reality of their life.

This feedback showed me how much my article was incomplete. How much I was incomplete in my way of thinking. My article is the one of someone who, despite of being very sensitive about the world around her and its people, live those experiences in a “protected world”. To be more explicit, Imagine how you would see a scene if you had a transparent and thin veil in front of your eyes. You can still see through but what you see is a bit blowy. The veil I have in front of my eyes is made of my young age, the protected world I live in, and the pain of a soul I cannot imagine as I’ve never been through it, at least not for the same reason. Getting rid off the veil is only gonna be possible by working on thinking outside that protected circle, keeping my eyes widely open and see the world with a wiser and humble heart. 

When I read that feedback, my first reaction even before finishing reading the last sentences was to delete my article. I was ashamed of it I guess and had the feeling it wasn’t making any sense anymore. But then I realized that keeping it will be for me, later, the opportunity to rewrite it. Becoming aware of what I wasn’t seeing or seeing incompletely.

I see the world today, wiser than I did more than 3 years ago. I’m far away from not being sensitive to what, unfortunately, a too big part of the world have to do to survive. But I have to look deeper in it; it shows me how much we still have to learn from the world, from the life, about ourselves.

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This is what life is about: learning, keeping on learning, always learning. Knowledge is richness, Knowledge is understanding. 

As a diamond, life has many facets.

April 17, 2009

The controversy of feelings or Uncommon ways to love people we care about

Filed under: Family,Feelings,Home,Uncategorized — emimizolie @ 6:39 pm

Spending months in a country that is not ours and sometimes apart from what we know create feelings we don’t know how to consider or how to deal with.

I have never felt France would be a place I could not leave. When I’m not abroad, I always dream about being away, speaking a foreign language, living according to a new culture, discovering people with a different way of thinking. My spirit is ceaselessly traveling abroad which explain why I often look away, off in another world, when I’m not working on a project or something else. I’ve got that uncontrollable need to discover something new, apart from what I’m used to consider and that would challenge my understanding of life. This constant research of something new impacts considerably on my personality and consequently, on whom I truly am.

Since I have started to travel the seven seas, I have developed that little something I still don’t know how to describe. However this little thing is not so little as it keeps increasing the gap between the larger circle of my entourage and I. Being a Citizen of the World is often out of people’s range of understanding. They cannot understand how you think, why you think that way and what it means. Just few people can actually understand. The reason is simple: they are experiencing the same thing. That’s a funny thing and a controversial one at the same time. Traveling like I do, enlarge the circle of friends (I’m talking about the ones with who we keep in touch for years) but also reduce it considerably. We end by feeling isolated from the rest of the people around us because of a barrier that no one can circumvent. A barrier that keeps you from connecting with them.

controversy

On the other hand, when considering the core of my entourage (family and closest friends), the feelings linking us, turn in a way, at the opposite of what they should be. Moving away from people we love and who are precious for us brings us closer to each other. The inconvenient is that except for some initiated, only the ones moving away know it. Being away from home for many months make us realize how much we need and miss our entourage. By the time we finally come back home, the world did not stop to turn while we were away. It changed, we changed and so did the people we love. When we come back home, we feel a gap like if suddenly we were not belonging to that world anymore. Not because we would feel rejected, but simply because we have a perception of the world different from the one we had before we left. That perception has impacted on our personality and probably on our behavior too. As a result, we find ourselves uncomfortable at the place of our own origins, like being a square shape trying to fit in a round one.

This feeling of unconfortability cannot be shared with the rest of our entourage who may not be able to understand it and maybe, would feel hurt because of it. But still, we cannot change the way we feel. This is why, when we go back abroad, we don’t feel guilty with those feelings anymore, as we are not confronted to them anymore. As a result, the few exchanges we have with our family are just about expressing love, and how much we miss them. Being guilt free, allow then our love to be fully expressed. Thus, we realize that no matter what our experiences are, love is always here, always the same. Only change the ease and the way we have to express it. But this, only the ones who leave know.

March 1, 2009

The Sense Of Life

Filed under: Feelings,Philosophy — emimizolie @ 5:14 pm

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What is the sense of life ? Everyone, according to many criteria, has got his or her own answer.There is no one unique answer. Even though I am young and don’t have much experience of life compared to baby-boomers and other people who would tell me ” You don’t know what War is, so you don’t know what life is”,  I have my own interpretation of the Sense Of Life thanks to what I have experienced those last 3 years with my trips abroad and the contacts I got with foreigners. It may eventually change in the course of my life, but for now it satisfies me.

During the weeks I had spent in different countries but mostly during the months I lived in South Africa and Unites States, I have met people from everywhere in the world. (You might know that already). More than cultural knowledge about their countries, I have learnt principles of life, values, how to be stoic, which things deserve we put importance on them and so on. Actually, someone from France, Germany or Sweden for instance, won’t have the same opinion about those topics that someone from Pakistan, Cambodia or Sierra Leone. I have met people from countries not as developed as mine, and the least I can say is that I’m amazed by their sense of living. Billions of people have been consumed and desolated by wars, genocides, poverty, hunger, diseases and so on. Some have for only valuable goods, a pair of dusty shoes with holes or dirty plastic bags filled with recyclable canned. However, despite their unfortunate situation, they always find a smile to give you, a piece of bread to share with someone hungrier or more incredible: the force to forgive their  tormentors. In developed countries, the more you have, the less you share. A smile is seen as an aggression,  people are selling their remaining of humanity for the last vacuum in vogue and others, sue their neighbors for picking a daisy that grew on the edge of their gardens.

For me the sense of life is to see beyond those materialistic borders and to understand what is really important in my life and the whole world life thanks to the contact I can get with people living in territories different that mine. The richness I can get from these contacts make me wealthier than any individuals with the last Rolex assorted to their brand-new car.

Those values I can get from the world and that make me be Citizen Of  The World, I want to be able to share them with someone and to then, transmit them to my children: provinding them with the delectable taste of thinking different.

The sense of life is for me to go discovering the world and its people, to make them fit in my arms wide open and make my children diving into those values so that they can discover their own sense of life.

Discovering, Understanding,Sharing and Transmitting… This is for me The Sense Of Life, The Sense Of My Life.

January 31, 2009

What is it worth ?

Filed under: Feelings,Random events — emimizolie @ 8:54 pm

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Here is a story. Short but long enough to overwhelm me.

Just about a week after my come back from NYC. I wake up, do all what you are supposed to do once you wake up and get ready to leave my appartment. I go into my metro station. I have just missed the train. Hmmm, too bad but ok, let’s wait four minutes before the next comes.

A homeless person come to me. Except being slightly tipsy, he doesn’t look so bad… in a way that he has many clothes on him, shoes… apparently enough to keep his body warm until the summer comes back.

I try to make him understand very kindly that I don’t have any change on me ( Which was true ). He was actually not asking for any money, just wanted to show what he called “Bozo”.

Bozo is a pen.  He fixed a kind of propeller on the tip of it. On the body of that pen, he notched the whole length with a knife and with a little piece of wood, rubs it all along. That move creates a physique reaction that causes the propeller to turn fast without even touching it.

He doesn’t seem to be a bad guy and I still have 3 mn to wait so I finally decide to let him talk to me. His name is Jean-Claude. He just wants to talk. I ask him about that physique phenomenom. He is glad I did.

After briefly explaining me, he askes my name. I say ” Emilie”. Suddenly, I can see that a kind of  shock happens in his eyes. He looks around like he is destabilized or doesn’t know where he is anymore. He looks at me again and I can see his eyes full of tears. With a shaking voice he asks me my age. I say 21. He then tells me that he has a daughter, not much older than me. He gives me a smile, apologized and say goodbye. With tenderness, I tell him he certainly doesn’t have to apologize to me and wish him a year as good as possible. He returns to the seat where other homelesses are sitting. My train arrives, I get into it. The doors take some time before closing. During these little seconds, I see him, his face in his hands, melting into tears. He starts to tell the story to his friends who are asking. The doors finally close. The train is leaving the station and I find myself completely overwhelmed by what just happened. I’m shaking and can feel the tears coming.

I realized that those men that we see everyday in the streets, those men who are marginalized, had a life before and were maybe not so different than we are. What may have happened for them to end in that situation?  What is the event that made those men going from having a child named Emilie to the metro station?

I still meet him when I take my train. However, even though I wanted to talk to him many times, I didin’t. The reason is, that I would like to help him but I don’t know how. Beside, I’m afraid that if I get to know him a little bit, it’s gonna be hard for me to be in my warm and cozy bed while he will be in the metro station or maybe outside having an empty stomack grumbling and his body freezing because of the very cold temperatures. I don’t want not to know him because I want to keep living my comfortable situation but just because I feel powerless. I’m not a materialistic person even though I enjoy many goods and others. Thanks to my education, I know that family is what we need to live and be happy. Money is necessary yes but it is also secondary. So I think about this man, who has somewhere a daughter called Emilie who doesn’t talk to him anymore. The reason ? Well, I don’t know, but what I know is that it’s terrible to have our roots somewhere and not being able to get back to them.

I don’t want to make people feel guilty for having a comfortable life by writing this article. I’m not even asking for them to give money to every associations they see even though from time to time it could be a nice action to do. I just think that we shouldn’t forget those people and nourish their marginalization. Having a thought for them from time to time can already be a first step. To where ? I don’t know, YOU know. What I know is that giving a smile doesn’t cost anything and can warm a heart up. We don’t know how broad ripples caused by little actions we do can be.

October 18, 2008

Le festin de ma vie

Filed under: Feelings,Music — emimizolie @ 11:05 pm

Les rêves des amoureux sont comm’(e) le bon vin
Ils donn(ent) de la joie ou bien du chagrin
Affaibli par la faim je suis malheureux
Volant en chemin tout ce que je peux
Car rien n’est gratuit dans la vie

L’espoir est un plat bien trop vite consommé
A sauter les repas je suis habitué
Un voleur solitaire est triste à nourrir
A un jeu si amer je n’peux réussir
Car rien n’est gratuit dans…

La vie… Jamais on ne me dira
Que la course aux étoiles; ça n’est pas pour moi
Laissez moi vous émerveiller et prendre mon en vol
Nous allons en fin nous régaler

La fêt(e) va enfin commencer
Sortez les bouteilles; finis les ennuis
Je dresse la table, de ma nouvell(e) vie
Je suis heureux à l’idée de ce nouveau destin
Une vie à me cacher et puis libre enfin
Le festin est sur mon chemin

Une vie à me cacher et puis libre enfin
Le festin est sur mon chemin

Dance of liberty – Tozart Gallery

August 27, 2008

Jetlag and late thoughts.

Filed under: Feelings — emimizolie @ 3:11 am

Tonight, was my first night in my home. Intead of enjoying my wide-cozy bed, I’m writting on my blog coz of jetlag and also because i’m worried for someone.

That person is leaving through something that could also happen to me. Hmm… maybe it already does…

Studying abroad, leaving family for a long time is hard because when you come back, you feel like you are not at home… neither in the country where you have been leaving for a little while. When you are back, everything changed during your absence. Your friends moved on, took the turn in their life like you did when you took the decision to leave… But then you realise that everything is different and so, despite the joy you get of being home, you feel like not belonging to that place anymore…Your mood goes from happiness to depression without any relevant reasons.

I arrived few hours ago in my place, land of refuge and neutrality, full of appeasement, full of excitment to see people that I ” left behind ” … However, when i put my key in the lock… I felt like I was not really at home. Having this little feeling of something you know that it is here in spite of trying to refute its commanding presence.

It’s a little destabilizing. When you leave, you are full of motivation and hopes toward your dream of studying abroad. You know where you are going and why you want to do that. The good that will come out. So this is what I want to remember when I will feel homesick and that I want you to remember too.

Go through the storm, never give up. Don’t loose your self-confidence nor the trust you got in your dream. I guess this is a logic ordeal we have to handle. This is part of our way down the stream of life. It challenges your ability to stay in a place that is not yours, it makes you stronger to face life…Yes, life is also a fight, not only an enchanted river I, personally, like to navigate on. This ordeal is not the only one you will get to know, I’m sure fate is already concocting a lot of other just for you ! But through years, you start being able to handle them. Sometimes, you cannot get rid off somes thus, you learn from them and how to cohabitate with.

In few years, when you will have a glance on that period of your life, the fact that you overcame those difficulties when you could have simply give up is what will give you the force to overcame the ones that are coming. You will think to yourself : “I can do it, I already did. I’m unstoppable! ” (Little wink ! I needed to borrow your word ! )

Moreover, you won’t have to leave with the regret that you could have done it. Don’t get fucked by life. Fuck the life, bite it with all your teeth, overcame ordeals it puts on your path and get stronger than ever.

Being what you are is your best asset but it’s is also your curse because challenges you will meet will be as high as your genius is. It’s mathematic ! You have weaknesses ? Great ! This is what keeps you human ! I know everything push you to not come back in NY but don’t use them as a reason to abandon. Nothing is unsolvable you told me once.

Here is your painting. I want you to remember who you are.

August 9, 2008

Shoke in the MoMa

Filed under: Art,Feelings — emimizolie @ 7:45 pm

Yesterday, I went to the MoMa ( Museum of Modern Art ) to see an exhibition of Salvador Dali, one of my favourite painters.

This painting caught me so deeply that I was about to cry despite the fact I was in an overcrowded room. Dali called it ” Solitude”.

I won’t explain why, because I don’t think I could with words and I’m not sure you could understand either but watch this with a lot of attention. I’m sure everybody got at least once in his life that feeling.

Don’t misunderstand me, my aim is not to make you feel down ! I Just want to show you why I love  art and the strong power it has… Where words are unable to be used, painters can brush a feeling that had been pursuing you since forever. It is here, without being able to explain it or just understand what it is, where it comes from… You are walking in a museum and suddenly an image catches you; within a second, everything becomes clear…

July 28, 2008

The futur is coming up!

Filed under: Feelings,New York,Studies — emimizolie @ 7:20 pm

Today is probably one of the most beautiful day of my life ! Indeed, I’ve been accepted in MCNY for the next semester which starts on september 2nd !

I can’t believe that I’m going to be student in New York City. I will have the opportunity to live an American Halloween, Thanksgiving, Ice skating in Central Park under the snow……… and more !

However, to be honnest, I’m also terrified ! There is a huge difference between the French university system and the American one… I will probably bite the dust for few weeks before I get used to it !

Living my entourage for 6 months was more or less easy, I already did it. But now, this is for 3 years minimum… I’m not playing in the same court ! How is it going to be, when I’ll be homesick without the ones I love around me ? YOu can be as strong as anybody  but it’s never easy.

Fortunately, I’ve got some friends here who I can count on ! Don’t worry ”mon chou” I don’t replace you! How could I ?! They are from Germany and Portugal and will stay here probably as long as me !

My residence is also going to change. Goodbye Brooklyn Heights ( snif snif) Hello Manhattan Upper East Side ( East Side of Central Park).  It is on the green line, station 103 St.

MCNY is down on the red line, station Canal St.

Anyway, everything is perfect. My brain is going back to work and will use all its potential of productivity.. Mimi is happy…

June 29, 2008

Classical music and mixed feelings

Filed under: Feelings,Music — emimizolie @ 2:52 am

Strange feelings… I can’t help thinking about what my life would be if i was accepted at MCNY. More than anything, this is what i want. Meanwhile, i feel a little under the weather… don’t know why. I was so happy yesterday. Thus, this is for me a perfect moment to listen to that music. Providing my computer is still dead, i have no other resort but youtube.

That music means so much to me. It provides a feeling of appeasement that you won’t find in any unique-mindset music of todays. This is the power of classical music. Once you add your own feelings to a classical promenade, nothing around you exists anymore. This is your moment. Your music.

It’s hard to explain, you have to live it to figure out what i mean, so let’s play and You will understand …

Dad, you will doubtlessly recognize that music !

June 25, 2008

Time to change…

Filed under: Feelings — emimizolie @ 5:28 am

Darwin said : “It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.

Someone tried to make me understand that since years… And i did… but i never understood it because i would have faced the situation… However, these last weeks, i did…

It’s like if my path was suddenly going from shadow to light ! I can see now where i am going and why i want to go there… I know what my strenghts are and where to use them. I also figured out what my weaknesses are. I targeted it and i’m already working on it. I feel like i am a new person but without loosing the ” old me “… It’s like an up-to-date of myself ! ahaha. I really delight the results i have seen so far… My relationships with people are changing and i take the experiences that come to me with more reflection ( don’t be too happy, i like too much to be impulsive so i won’t get totally rid of it !!). I don’t want to let my potential go. It has been sleeping for too long so i just woke it up !!

Let me exemplify it ! In my business class, we were making a simulation of a meeting between the leaders of two companies which had merged few months ago and had several problems with it. I was part of the managers of the company who bought the other one. I TOTALLY KICKED BUTTS ! People in my team were too shy to talk so i was kinda swimming alone against the tide ! I completely made the team in front of me out of arguments ! Mines were too good, too logical and so much clever ! I was completely leading the meeting and received the congrats of my teacher. What a great feeling ! I love to be productive ( by the way, i probably saved the companies from the bankrupt !). This is exactly what i want to do and where i’m supposed to be !

I had to go through hard time to be aware of those… But now, i’m ready and stronger enough to change the tide ! That’s why i want to stay in America… Here the changes started… and here they will keep going… this country inspires me a lot.

I still have some frustrations on which i have to work out, projects i have to make fructify and hopes i have to make happened… In a nutshell, i have to fix my clock ! Dali was not the only one… we all have our clock to fix,. For the first time, i found the tools to do it and i know now how to use them!

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