Citizen of the world…

April 17, 2009

The controversy of feelings or Uncommon ways to love people we care about

Filed under: Family,Feelings,Home,Uncategorized — emimizolie @ 6:39 pm

Spending months in a country that is not ours and sometimes apart from what we know create feelings we don’t know how to consider or how to deal with.

I have never felt France would be a place I could not leave. When I’m not abroad, I always dream about being away, speaking a foreign language, living according to a new culture, discovering people with a different way of thinking. My spirit is ceaselessly traveling abroad which explain why I often look away, off in another world, when I’m not working on a project or something else. I’ve got that uncontrollable need to discover something new, apart from what I’m used to consider and that would challenge my understanding of life. This constant research of something new impacts considerably on my personality and consequently, on whom I truly am.

Since I have started to travel the seven seas, I have developed that little something I still don’t know how to describe. However this little thing is not so little as it keeps increasing the gap between the larger circle of my entourage and I. Being a Citizen of the World is often out of people’s range of understanding. They cannot understand how you think, why you think that way and what it means. Just few people can actually understand. The reason is simple: they are experiencing the same thing. That’s a funny thing and a controversial one at the same time. Traveling like I do, enlarge the circle of friends (I’m talking about the ones with who we keep in touch for years) but also reduce it considerably. We end by feeling isolated from the rest of the people around us because of a barrier that no one can circumvent. A barrier that keeps you from connecting with them.

controversy

On the other hand, when considering the core of my entourage (family and closest friends), the feelings linking us, turn in a way, at the opposite of what they should be. Moving away from people we love and who are precious for us brings us closer to each other. The inconvenient is that except for some initiated, only the ones moving away know it. Being away from home for many months make us realize how much we need and miss our entourage. By the time we finally come back home, the world did not stop to turn while we were away. It changed, we changed and so did the people we love. When we come back home, we feel a gap like if suddenly we were not belonging to that world anymore. Not because we would feel rejected, but simply because we have a perception of the world different from the one we had before we left. That perception has impacted on our personality and probably on our behavior too. As a result, we find ourselves uncomfortable at the place of our own origins, like being a square shape trying to fit in a round one.

This feeling of unconfortability cannot be shared with the rest of our entourage who may not be able to understand it and maybe, would feel hurt because of it. But still, we cannot change the way we feel. This is why, when we go back abroad, we don’t feel guilty with those feelings anymore, as we are not confronted to them anymore. As a result, the few exchanges we have with our family are just about expressing love, and how much we miss them. Being guilt free, allow then our love to be fully expressed. Thus, we realize that no matter what our experiences are, love is always here, always the same. Only change the ease and the way we have to express it. But this, only the ones who leave know.

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September 30, 2008

A moment…

Filed under: Home — emimizolie @ 11:38 pm

This place gets all its magic at a specific moment of the day. While the afternoon reaches its very end. While the sun is not up anymore but didn’t start setting yet. While the diffused daylight’s brightness is not aggressive but soft and smooth. The pond down my garden marks the end of the propriety. Its twists and turns follow the shape of a mere zig-and-zag. Bends are not too tight, not too wide. During summer, on the surface of water, sterile water lilies gather in circle factions that let appear only few plots of water. I am usually sitting in the middle of the slope that leads to the shore. That spot opens on an ample sight that is surrounded by trees, hedges and wild herbs which protect it as a secret from stranger’s indiscreet glances. On both left and right side, two weeping willows vent their long, thin and speckled branches whose movements are transformed by the wind in voluptuous caresses. On the edge of the pond that gives birth to the water, the soil is covered by different varieties of mint and wild flowers. All over in the air are spread flowers perfumes married with the fresh and spicy aroma of peppermint. That scent is so concentrated that you can almost feel its taste in your mouth which make the moment even more delicious! Whatever the season, the grass is always dense and thick with a deep green color which intensifies the feeling of calm and coziness. When it has just been cut, the natural scent of grass adds itself to the already present floral fragrances. From time to time, the silence is shortly and melodiously broken by the “plop, plop, plop” made by fish in the water. Every senses are awaken and for once, by the fact of the nature rather than aggressions from cities. Lying down on the grass, a feeling of fulfillment invades my mind, my spirit, my soul. I don’t desire anything anymore, I am not even thinking. My body is at rest. Problems, annoyances, humanity are outside the natural fence build to protect my little cozy heaven. I am in Normandy. I am at home.

I took that picture after that moment… at the twilight.

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